This morning I was listening to Ghanaian news and I heard that a 27 year old male was murdered yesterday, December 31/19 by his 23 year old girlfriend in the “Yilo Krobo” area in the perhaps the Eastern Region of Ghana. She stabbed him to death.

Why? Because she was upset he did NOT spend time with her on new year’s eve and suspected him of going out with another woman. Now he’s dead, and killed violently on such a special day for most people. She is apparently in police custody.

As I listened to the media personnel analyzing the story, some said oh she shouldn’t have killed him because they were not even “married”. Another said, the lady had a legitimate reason to kill him because she was “sponsoring” him; he was “unemployed” and she “paid” for his living. Another said she had no reason to kill him no matter what.

As upsetting as this story is, it is not unique nor rare. I heard similar stories quite often; some have been killed foe very trivial and senseless reasons. Intimate partner violence (IPV) is what is is. It is a common place.

According to US center for disease control (CDC), IPV is a serious public health issue that affects millions of people, yet preventable. IPV takes many forms: physical, sexual, emotional and psychological. They include hitting, slapping, shoving, beating, striking, choking, insulting, forced sexual intercourse and controlling behaviours. IPV are very harmful and dangerous to those involved and children exposed.

Often people in relationships think they own their partners or spouses. But really? Can we own a person by the monies we spend on the, the bride price we pay or how expensive our marriages costs us? How? Do we marry or seek the consent of others to control and terrorize them or we want them to help us live our lives better? What gives any right to voluntarily ask someone to be with them or spend on them to harm them?

Does marriage or monetary value or expenditure equate a person? Does spending on someone give us any legitimate reason to harm or murder them? Is that part of the marriage contract? Since when did people get equated to monetary value or items? Does marriage nullify our relationships with our other social networks:parents, siblings, children, friends, colleagues, etc? What makes people think once people get married to them, they own them?

It is about time that nonsense stopped. Marriage or a relationship should be respectful, mutual and consensual. People are never equal to financial investments, arrangements or a union. Consent must be free, voluntary and can be withdrawn anytime. Consent must also be “informed” which means all conditions, risks and benefits, limitations must be discussed at the beginning. You should tell them your expenditures are based on a certain conditions and what consequences will fall from any breach. Breach of consent also doesn’t give any right to harm or kill anyone.

If someone breaches a marriage or relationship arrangement, leave then or seek reimbursement, compensation or whatever is rather equal to what you think you lost and stop harming others. We belong to a network of people, not just our partners or spouses. We have mothers, fathers, friends, children and other people that cherish and are a part of our lives.

The barbarism and incivility must end. In my opinion no one has any right or justification to slap, demean, mistreat or kill another person because they wronged them or cheated.

Be human, be reasonable! Be a thinker, not a reactive, uncontrollably emotional or irrational animal. Grow up , relationships are for mature humans. Not for little unruly boys and girls.

Stop acting irrationally and irresponsibly now!

Signed,
Akosua G
January 01, 2020