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What’s and Who’s Family?

Byakosgojack

Dec 28, 2019

How do you define “family”? Who do you consider family? Is family necessarily by blood? Someone you share genetics or same DNA with? By marriage, adoption or by bond? Or a very trusted friend? Your spouse? Siblings? Children?

Why do I ask? I do because I have seen people who share traditional attributes of what constitute a family: blood, genetics, marriage and adoption harm , hate, destroy, disappoint, dupe and do all kinds of bad things to each other? Some people even kill those they once called family?

Why does that happen? Are family supposed to do good to us always? Or families aren’t supposed to harm each other? Should we be able to disown ill intended or bad family members? If we can, what would be the measure? At one point do we draw the line to disassociate, cut our relationships or cease communication altogether with family members who harm us?

Or we aren’t supposed to disown harmful family members? Why? Should we just put up with such venomous family members who bring no positive impacts to our lives, and allow them to destroy our lives?

Why can’t we? Blood relations give people the right to harm us? For what purpose? Are we supposed to sacrifice our own welfare and interest for the sake of others and family systems? What’s tolerable and/or forgivable and what’s not? What if the wrongdoer doesn’t recognize or admit to his wrongful acts and is unwilling to stop his/her harmful act?

What is the purpose of family if it has no use for you? Or when it is detrimental?

Can the definition of family be fluid? Can we delete some blood families and insert friends, acquaintances and outsiders who stand by us in our difficult moments or when in need? Why not, after all we are humans and social beings who need others to progress and survive. And can be hurt by bad deeds.

No Easy Answers!

These are difficult questions with no specific right or wrong answers. It is disappointing when family members become enemies or constantly destroy their own. People who get themselves caught in such situations face difficult choices always. That’s stressful and confusing.

I thought families were supposed to look out for members’ interests But not always. I have been dead wrong. Whilst most families are somewhat normal, some families are absolute chaos with warring factions, jealousy, hate, backbiting, theft by trust, duping, exploitation.

How would you navigate such a treacherous situation? What should one consider in such situations?

When faced with such situations it would be important to evaluate your priorities, those most affected and the consequences of every single choice you make and those decisions who don’t make?

Consider what’s important and choose the lesser of the two evils.

Personally, I would make decisions based on my priorities and how my decisions would impact on those priorities.

To me, families are those who care for your interest and stand with and by you. Share in your joy, sadness and difficult times. Those who you can trust and will not blackmail, blackmail, wish your downfall. Families love, forgive, help, support and care for you unconditionally. If they can’t be counted on, I have got nothing to lose by cutting off relationships.

Love those you call family. Don’t just use and abuse them and their resources, be useful to your family and look out for them.

Take good care.

Akosua G
Ontario, Canada

December 28, 2019

By akosgojack

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